Monday, December 8, 2008

Varicose Marketing

No, I want the "special".

Take what we all know about "Viral Marketing" and apply it to your favorite geriatric-juke-joint, all-you-can-eat-pie establishment or other such gray-haired-old-person-moth-to-a-flame-type place. It needs to be called "Varicose Marketing" It's genius I tell you, genius! Plus it seems that this demographic doesn't seem to care to much about spelling (as noted for the sign above, but that could just be a health warning). Them's my kind of people.

Either way, here's the background story. On our regular route to BlanksRBlanks I decided we should take lunch at the local pie/sundae establishment. Strangeness ensued. Parts we didn't get on the video included sharing ketchup with the elderly business types across the separation wall. They were very awkward about it and insisted that I keep the bottle balancing on the top of the divider for the remaider of our lunch. But our favorite moment was caught on tape/video as we were hit-up by Granny Golf Marketer #1 (more to follow as Varicose Marketing catches on).

Note: Favorite quote from the video "I need some customers, ha ha ha ha, cackle cackle, ha ha ha... Okay?" It may even beat Penny saying "Thank you baby Jesus."

Let's do lunch sometime,

Blog entries are piling up. I needed to release this one because we may have a big one happening at BlankoBell soon.

Penny would write stuff I'm sure, but you know, priorities like work, toys, goofn off in even better ways, talking with the Big G., showing off the sarcasm skills to live people, making me feel like a loser for continuing this horrible blog, are getting in his way of posting some really great entries here. Oh well, let's see how much of a guilt trip I can put on him without pissn him off. He still hasn't even tried to do an entry for his "dashbored" video, damn. But enough with the complaints. See you at lunch!

Comment Posted by Penny: Oh, settle down. There's no cheese for the whine. 
Comment Posted by Fish: Lorem ipsum, something clever that helps Penny understand how to use the "comments" button on these posts.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Identity Exchange?

Have you ever looked at some people and realized they ARE someone else? Either Lady L (our fellow office-cube-dweller) has a part-time job, or a lot of relatives.

The majority of our "they look like other people" lunch today talked about Brian Posehn and how our waiter at blank&blank normally resembles him. We moved onto how it would be great if someone actually did that as promotion, you know, hired a bunch of look-alikes to work at local food establishments. You know, to promote a movie or album, or just because that would be hilarious. The more obscure the celebrity, the better it would be.

But I digress. The video today is short, but involves a lot of awesome. Penny will want to kick my arse for posting another video involving him and a rant, but they are so great. Look for both my new favorite word "Gunt" and our new favorite waitress, our very own Esmeralda Villalobos Fabienne Coolidge, from Pulp Fiction.

Note: Not sure who we are talking about? Click Here To watch her Pulp Fiction clip in French. (Send us an English clip link if you know of one).

Eat healthy,

In the spirit of Identity Exchange... the consensus is Penny and I might look like this. But Penny reminds me that we are a lot older... Damn it!

Other obscure reference: Lady L Song

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Ego Trip

My dashboard is more exciting than my average day.

There's not really much of a story behind this one. Fish decided he wanted to start filming stuff, and the toys on my dashboard were in his immediate line of sight. Pretty straightforward. 
(Wow, no respect for the artful positioning of the shot at all? Damn it Penny. That's harsh! -- inside comment posted by Fish)

I need to fill the space with something, though. So I can tell you about the toys.

First, there's the Simpsons bobble-heads. They had them in the vending machine at a local movie theater. I went in there one day at about 1 in the afternoon with a bag full of quarters. I even had to go to the counter two or three times to get more quarters because I just wasn't getting a Homer. The employees must have thought I was nuts.

And the snake. I went to see a midnight show of Snakes on a Plane on its release day. A couple days later, I went to the same theater with my parents to see some other movie. And in the grass, right in front of where I parked, was a rubber snake. I assume that someone brought it to the Snakes on a Plane premiere, and it stayed there in the grass all weekend.
(Good thing you rescued it and made it into an excellent distraction for your passengers. My complements on your dashboard collection -- inside comment posted by Fish)

This is a lame post. That's the way it goes sometimes.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Happy Scrappy Hero Pup

When the sad reality of Christmas future falls flat in the isles of Christmas presents. Why do good animatronics go bad?

When walking into the blankMart, Penny went for the usual collectable figure-hunt, and I set forth on my little-noticed "WTF" search. Out of the corner of my eye, I spied a glorious hole in the otherwise discounted washroom-esk displays of holiday haberdashery. (patting myself on the back for that phrase). This is where I encountered this sad sack of Robot Dog for about $125. Either avoid it at all costs or please get it for me. Please!

When a company puts out a sample of a toy or product, don't you think they should try and keep it in working condition? Then again, maybe this toy was a misplaced shipment meant for veterinary clinics all over America. I believe Penny put it best as "..a really creepy animal version of Resusci Anne." That made me think of how realistic those creepy things can be themselves. Care for a sample?

Then again, maybe it is supposed to act like Old Yeller?

Note: We have an alternate descriptor: Watch as Asian Contortionist Puppy reenacts our favorite scene from The Graduate. Click here if you don't know the reference.

For those in-the-know, the grandmother of our cube-mate "Lady L" seems to make an appearance in the video. Thanks!

Happy lunching everyone,

Friday, November 21, 2008

Glue Penny Burger

I shouldn't have eaten it but I did and everything is fine.

Note: Fish Head insists that I not use the real name of the restaurant. I think that's silly, since it's ALL OVER the video. This round goes to Fish.

You should know that I absolutely adore Blank & Blank. It's my favorite restaurant and this meal, the Blankburger with Cheese Platter, is my favorite meal ever. If I was on death row, my last meal would be a Blankburger with Cheese Platter and some crab rangoon.

I say all this so that you can understand my state of mind. All day, I looked forward to this meal. So even though the food was CLEARLY tainted, there was NO WAY that I was not eating it. If I was going to die, or suffer any unfortunate repercussions, so be it.

The burger looked weird right from the start. It looked like someone had stepped on it, or smashed it down into the plate. It was way too flat. When I flipped it over, I learned why: the bottom bun was... wrong. I don't know how else to describe it. It was paper-thin, soggy wet, and smelled really bad. Like some sort of industrial solvent. Along the way, it got named "The Glue Penny Burger."

Though I did not know it at the time, Fish Head was video taping the process. He insists that it was more to document whatever symptoms may have appeared. And I'll admit, the video below does show me a little more twitchy and pale than usual.

Fish says it was fascinating, the way I appear to be "scrubbing" the inside of my mouth throughout the conversation. You know how, after you get a filling at the dentist, you still feel and taste traces of the metallic stuff? Same deal here.

BONUS: Right at the 1:30 mark, Asian Elvis!

So now I understand the strategy behind fishing. Yes, there is a delicious treat. Yes, there is clearly something dangerous about the treat that is, most likely, a trap. Yes, I am going to eat it anyway.

Fresh Packed /newer Home Cookn /main

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